The Empathy Gap

Preface

On 12 September 2017, I found myself in an operating theatre in Sydney standing next to my wife, Miranda, as the doctors worked feverishly. I was terrified, grasping Miranda's hand and trying to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. Moments later, I heard the noise that changed my life forever. It was the first sound of our daughter, Zoe McKenzie Murray.

My terror in those moments wasn't just driven by the uncertainty of raising a child; Zoe had been a long time in the making. This was the tenth IVF Miranda had been through and after nine failures, we were deeply afraid that we'd feel the terrible pain of disappointment once again. If you have experienced this type of journey, or know someone who has, you will likely relate to the months of anticipation and preparation. The injections, the doctor visits and the long nights wondering if it will ever work out.

We were one of the lucky ones. Zoe is a healthy, happy little girl now who lights up our lives every day. She is cheeky, clever and already thinks genuinely about the feelings of other people, a trait undoubtedly imparted to her by her mother. While she is growing up very fast, we are loving every minute of the ride: from the scraped knees and snotty noses to the bedtime stories and warm hugs.

To be honest, I didn't really know if I'd be father material. My childhood didn't have a stable home life. Having witnessed two divorces and lived in many different homes, I wanted nothing more than to get away ...