The Manager's Handbook

6Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self‐esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity.

—Nathaniel Brandon

My earliest difficult dismissal was the chief operating officer of the first company I ran. Let's call him Steven. I had plenty of excuses to keep him. The company was doing fine. We'd become friends. He worked diligently. We were hitting our plan, and our investors were happy. At the same time, we were not where we could be, and I knew in my heart that to get there we'd need a change in leadership. Nonetheless, I agonized for months.

Fortunately, when I came to the decision, I'd been coached on how to let someone go. Had I not, the process would have been harder on the company, but especially on Steven. When I delivered the news, he was professional about it, although distraught and embarrassed. We agreed on a smooth transition and a fair severance. I helped him in his new career where he started his own company. There he succeeded, and in a great twist of friendship and fate we became his biggest customer. Thirty years later, we're still in touch.

It’s a reflection of our humanity that we postpone telling someone devastating news. But as Debra L. Dunn, vice president of strategy and corporate operations at Hewlett‐Packard, explains, “There is no greater disrespect you can do to a person than to let them hang out in a job where they are not respected by their peers, not viewed ...