The Psychology of Personal Growth and Better Relationships

2From an Etiological Approach to a Teleological One

The Three Patterns of Discouragement

There are probably a lot of people around you that have difficulties in their life or friction with their environment similar to Yukari. This type of person has low self‐esteem and doesn't trust those around them. One characteristic of this type of person is that they are always seeing problems etiologically, looking for the cause of their problems in the unchangeable past. Furthermore, they believe that this somehow has control over their present. So when something important doesn't go right, they make themselves into a victim of their environment or in some kind of martyr, leading to more self‐discouragement.

In Yukari's case, it doesn't even end there. Others around her also adopt this same approach—the managers get discouraged and the alienation between them festers and grows. Discouragement, which eliminates the ability to overcome difficulties, comes in three patterns:

1. The setting of unrealistic expectations
2. Focusing on unaccomplished areas
3. Self‐deprecation

For the first pattern, setting expectations too low makes success too easy, doesn't lead to growth, and gives no sense of achievement. On the other hand, if expectations are too high, you still fail after many attempts and you lose motivation (1). Then you focus on the areas that weren't successful (2) and begin asking why they ...