The Psychology of Personal Growth and Better Relationships

1What Are Interpersonal Relationships?

Every Action Needs a Partner

In the Prologue, we touched on interpersonal relationship theory when I wrote, “Every action is interpersonal and requires a partner.” We also learned that observing interpersonal patterns is a shortcut to understanding people.

Take, for example, a superior verbally abusing a subordinate, turning unreasonable anger on them. Then someone comes and taps them on the shoulder. It's their direct supervisor. Suddenly, their demeanor changes and they begin talking about their round of golf the other day with a big grin on their face.

Have you experienced something like that? To the superior, their subordinate and supervisor are completely different partners. A partner is someone who influences us with their actions, makes us feel specific emotions, and elicits certain responses. A partner is not only limited to someone else; there are times when we are our own partners. It is thought in Adlerian psychology that removing the idea of partners makes it impossible to discuss human activities.

We learned in Part 3 that our previous patterns of action toward our partners continue to have a warped influence on our current interpersonal relationships. In this way, when our partner is another person, things can go smoothly and be understood. But what does it mean when you yourself are the partner in the interpersonal relationship? ...