Introduction: Create the Life You Want by Starting Up

“I'm sorry, but I just can't come back.” I had mulled over what to say and how to say it for days. However, having the conversation with my boss was not any easier for having thought it through. I got off the call hoping I had done the right thing, as I felt a mixed range of emotions wash over me: guilt, relief, and a touch of anxiety. I took a deep breath and walked down the hallway of my apartment and stopped to lean over the crib of my 3-month-old, who was sleeping, entirely unaware of the decision I had just made.

I had agonized over childcare options for months. I wasn't entirely sure of what the right thing to do as a new parent was, but I knew I didn't want to get it wrong. All the data I could find on early childhood development pointed to the importance of an individual caregiving experience and the critical nature of the parent-child bond. I wasn't willing to risk my baby's development, so I quit my job - putting my own career at risk in the process.

I know this sounds dramatic. But the whole experience of becoming a new mother was dramatic for me as a 27-year-old with a fledgling career, living in a fourth-floor walkup, railroad apartment in New York City. I, like many other women, thought deeply about the role I was taking on, and obsessed about getting it all right, sometimes to my own detriment. And frankly, my body was a mess of stretched skin and fluctuating hormones, so even after three months I didn't feel ...

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