You've Got to Be Kidding!: How to Keep Your Job Without Losing Your Integrity

The “What Do We Do Now” Conversations

The worst has happened—you’ve caught someone in a compromised position, and you have an ethical dilemma you need to talk through with them.

Here’s how to do it:

• Before you begin, put yourself in the frame of mind that says everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Also, assume the other person is acting in good faith and telling the truth (at least most of it). Resolve to convey a tone that will not be taken as accusatory, judgmental, or otherwise negative. Stay professional—you are simply seeking facts as the first step to correct a problem.
• Ask: “Please, may I take a few minutes to clarify a few points with you?” This is a good way to open a discussion because it is safe. You are being respectful of the other person by courteously asking permission to take time to talk about this.
• Ask: “Am I to understand that . . . ?” Then, lay out your understanding of the situation. This gives you the chance to report the facts and circumstances as you know them and the other person an opportunity to correct any misunderstandings under which you have been laboring. It also starts the discussion by having you both focus on the same facts. Many discussions end right here because misunderstandings are removed.
• Ask: “Are you aware that this dilemma/situation/problem is serious enough to be affecting our job performance?” This explains why you are making this your business, and removes the “it’s no big deal” and “it’s none of your business” excuses. This ...