Microwins

CHAPTER 4Principle 4: Wiretap Your Mental Chatter

That space between our ears is the birthplace for conversations that shape who we believe we can become. Let’s listen and examine the voices in our head.

Welcome to the FBI

After I left the coaching world in 2013, I went through an identity crisis. For seven years, I had attached my worth to a logo. For me, being associated with the NFL shield was not just a convenient conversation starter. It was a refuge. If I met someone, I was confident that our conversations would hover over the menial. They’d ask annoying questions like had I ever met Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. They’d ask whether they could get tickets to an upcoming game. They’d comment on how “cool” it must be to work in the league. I wore that mask for so long that I internalized the shield. I had a full-blown case of logo delusion disorder (LDD). LDD is a condition that affects the majority of working humans and is characterized by confusing one’s identity and value with an employer.

As I contemplated my next move, nothing felt right. I would imagine a new future, and quickly dismiss it. So, I started eavesdropping on my mental chatter. I imagined myself as one of those agents in the Mafia movies, headphones on while writing notes. I listened to my “self-talk” and noticed the voice I used with my kids and wife differed in tenor from the voice I used with myself. As I talked with my kids, I spoke softly (most of the time). I slowed my tempo. I blunted the edges. ...