Lessons from the Frontlines

CHAPTER 7Diplomacy

Nothing builds genuine working relationships better than meeting people in person. When you’re remote, it’s extremely easy to vilify the other side. Building non-transactional relationships, going out to dinner, coffee, or having a drink are immensely important to building good and lasting working relationships.

This might sound like common sense, but in security work, diplomacy often gets overlooked in favor of technical expertise. We focus on understanding threats, vulnerabilities, and controls, but forget that most of our success depends on getting people to work with us rather than against us.

Diplomacy isn’t just about being polite or avoiding conflict. It’s about reading the room, understanding where people are coming from, and being able to navigate the organization to drive the right outcomes. It’s one of the four core competencies I believe every security leader must develop, alongside execution, change management, and financial decision-making.

In this chapter, I’ll explore how diplomacy enables security leaders to build trust, navigate complex organizational dynamics, and influence outcomes without relying solely on authority. I’ll introduce practical strategies for relationship building, “reading the room,” aligning intent—all essential tools for advancing security goals in a collaborative, human-centered way.

The Challenge of First Impressions

Many times in security, we meet people for the first time only when something’s gone wrong. It’s ...