Lessons from the Frontlines

CHAPTER 9Acknowledging Mental Challenges

I was new to PayPal, and I had just gotten leadership of a global team. The opportunity was everything I’d worked toward, but frankly, I was afraid. I was afraid to admit that I might not be ready for the role, that I would not be in the loop, and that someone would make a decision without me. I was afraid that I would lose control.

That fear drove me to create an impossible schedule. I was working Tel Aviv office hours during the day, then coming home and working another shift until 3 or 4 a.m. to cover the teams in other time zones. Incident response, meetings, monitoring—I was trying to be present for everything.

This schedule continued for close to a year. Looking back, it’s hard to believe I sustained it that long, but fear is a powerful motivator. I was convinced that if I wasn’t constantly involved, something would go wrong and it would be my fault.

In this chapter, I explore the mental and emotional demands of security leadership, beginning with my personal story of burnout and recovery, and then extending beyond my individual experience to examine the broader challenges faced by security professionals from diverse backgrounds. While my story involves specific triggers—fear of inadequacy, control issues, and the pressure of global team leadership—research shows that mental health challenges in our field manifest differently across demographic groups, career stages, and life circumstances.

The chapter combines personal insights ...