Train the Brave, 2nd Edition

CHAPTER 20Offer feedback; it’s an act of service

Hillary Clinton once said, ‘It is important to learn how to take criticism seriously but not personally'. It's excellent advice, but if you've ever been criticised (and let's face it, who hasn't?) you'll know that it's easier said than done, even when it's given in the gentlest of ways with the best of intentions. That's because hearing critical feedback strikes at the heart of two core human needs — the need to learn and grow, and the need to be accepted just the way we are. Consequently, even a gentle suggestion to do something differently can leave us feeling wounded. Encouragement not to ‘take it personally' often does little to soften the blow.

Yet, as Hillary Clinton, a woman who's had more criticism directed her way than most people, has also said, ‘Critics can be your best friends if you listen to them, and learn from them, but don't get dragged down by them'. Learning to do that is as important to your growth and success in work and life as your willingness to offer others constructive feedback is to theirs.

NOT GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK DEPRIVESPEOPLE OF A CHANCE TO BETTER THEMSELVES.

Many people are extremely reluctant to offer critical feedback. It's because we're so uncomfortable with the emotions that can arise from it — our own and others'. We hate to cause offence and we loathe hurting other people's feelings or inciting resentment, which only exacerbates existing issues. The safer option is to simply say ...