Train the Brave, 2nd Edition

CHAPTER 26Never give anyone power to intimidate you

In my early twenties, when I began my (first) career working for a large oil company, I was completely intimidated by the director of sales and marketing. Bob was a good 20 years my senior and every time he passed by my pint-sized cubicle I'd get nervous and lose the power of speech (which, given how much I like to talk, is saying something!). One day, about six months into my job, I found myself seated beside Bob at a dinner. As Bob proceeded to engage in warm, friendly conversation it made me realise that my feeling of intimidation had nothing to do with Bob and everything to do with me.

That dinner taught me an important life lesson. People don't intimidate us … rather, we allow people to intimidate us. That's not to say that some people don't act in ways intended to intimidate or diminish others. But in the end, it's not who they are being that creates our feelings of intimidation; it's the fact that we aren't secure and strong enough in our worth that makes us feel nervous, scared or small around them.

So often we make assumptions about people that are simply untrue. We assume they're ‘above us' or better than us in some way. We assume they're looking down on us or think we're less than they are. And we carry all those assumptions into our interactions with them.

Other times we put people up on a pedestal and idolise them for the power, wealth, fame or success they have achieved. We relate to them as being better than ...