What Your Body Says (and how to master the message): Inspire, Influence, Build Trust, and Create Lasting Business Relationships

Chapter 11. Putting It All to Work

The best communicators have learned to choreograph their body language to what their mouth is saying. As you begin to use intentional gestures yourself, the timing might feel slightly off. This can be because of the way your brain works. Usually, your brain is sending gestures to your body at the same time you are formulating your words. When you are first learning how to use intentional gestures, you formulate the words, and then match the gesture. This causes a slight break in the smooth rhythm and flow found in unconscious gestures.

The art behind the choreography is in understanding the intent and the underlying emotions of the communication beforehand. You should be aware of your intent before you begin speaking. Figure out how you feel about the message and why you feel that way. The three questions to answer before you begin to speak are:

1. What emotional message am I trying to convey?

2. Am I sending or seeking information?

3. How do I continue to build a relationship with this message?

Once you have these answers, rehearse your communication and notice if the feelings your message evokes are the same as your answers. If not, your audience will notice. Your intentions are a driving force behind the probability that others will believe your messages. You can't fake intent. It will show no matter how hard you try to mask it. Even if one is skilled at deception, others still intuitively notice their intent. People will get a feeling that something just ...