How I Rob Banks

Chapter 18Stealing the Keychain

You may think that my job is super glamorous and like that of a spy, and often it is. I can't deny the benefits—the amazing places I have visited and the incredibly weird and wonderful things I have done, legally, that would put the average citizen in jail. Stealing valuable items and breaking into places is, without a doubt, the most unusual career anyone could have. No one at my school could have predicted I would become a hacker and mastermind of criminal behaviors.

But it isn't always glamorous. There are the odd times when my clients have an interest in protecting what everyone else would call … well, let's just say not pleasant.

I grew up near the sea in Essex, England. A place I removed myself from as soon as finances would allow. I am not a fan of the smell, the noises, the smell, or the seagulls. Did I mention the smell? I am not a lover of fish or the smell of fish, so you can imagine my abject horror that one client wanted their fish processing plant assessed.

Raw fish smells horrible, in my opinion. A fish processing plant? Well, that smells like a hot Saturday morning on Bourbon Street in New Orleans, only 10 times worse.

This job was not actually supposed to be a physical assessment; we were there for a simple penetration test of the client's network. But this was one of the few times a client got a physical assessment for free.

The day started off badly. There had been a failure of communication at the company, so they did not ...