book

The Kind Leader

Name: The Kind Leader
Author: Karyn Ross
ISBN: 9781000434651

by Karyn Ross

September 2021

Beginner to intermediate

218 pages

5h 23m

English

Productivity Press

Audiobook available

Read now

Unlock full access

Cover
Half Title
Title Page
Copyright Page
Contents
Preface
With Kind Thanks
1 Isn’t Kindness a Sign of Weakness?
Discussion: Kind Leader Theory and Ideas for You to Think AboutDefining LeadershipDefining KindnessEmpathyCompassionKindnessAssumptions, Systems and Models Frame Thoughts, Feelings and ActionsChange the Outcome by Changing the ModelPeople Create Models and SystemsPractice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: Recognizing When I’m a Leader and When I’m a FollowerExercise 2: Seeing How I’m Leading with Kindness NowExercise 3: Making the Models That Frame My Thoughts and Actions VisibleReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosA Tale of Two First DaysScenario 1 – Kay’La’s Story: Does It Really Have to be ‘Unkind’ at the Top?Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyScenario 2 – Kevin’s Story: ‘You Can’t Teach an Old Customer Service Rep New Tricks’… Can You?Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 1 Kind-PointsNotes
2 The Five Key Characteristics of a Kind Leader
Discussion: Kind Leadership Starts with YouLeaders’ Actions Create CultureKind Leaders Lead by Kind ExampleKey Characteristic 1: Kind Leaders Actively Model Kind BehaviorKey Characteristic 2: Kind Leaders Deliberately Think, Speak and Act KindlyKind Leaders Are ‘People’ (Not ‘Things’) OrientedKey Characteristic 3: Kind Leaders Consider Others FirstKey Characteristic 4: Kind Leaders Reflect Deeply about Their ActionsKind Leaders Pay Attention to ‘How We Get There’ Not Just ‘Where We Are Going’Key Characteristic 5: Kind Leaders Focus on the MeansKeep the Five Key Characteristics in MindPractice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: How Do Organizational Values and Leadership Behaviors Match?Exercise 2: How Do the Five Key Characteristics Apply to You?Reflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosDo As I ‘Say’ and As I Do!Scenario 1: Kay’La’s Story: What Does Respect Look Like?Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyScenario 2: Kevin’s Story: “All’s Well That ‘Ends’ Well”?Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 2 Kind-PointsNotes
3 Why How We Get There Is as Important as Where We Are Going
Discussion: The Kind of Culture You Have Depends on the Kind of Leader You AreLeaders Who Focus on the Ends Only Can Create a Culture of FearKindness and Fear Don’t Go Together!Leaders Who Focus on the Means Can Create a Culture of TrustTogether, Trust and Kindness Can Lead to Greater HappinessWhy Kind Leadership and “Leaving People Alone” Don’t Go TogetherWhat about the ‘Results’ Though?How Do You Get from a Culture of Fear to a Culture of Trust and Kindness?Practice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: Negative Effects of an Ends-Focused Culture on FearExercise 2: Positive Effects of a Means-Focused Culture on TrustReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosTrust Comes from Spending Time TogetherScenario 1: Kay’La’s Story: What Are You Afraid of? And Why?Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyScenario 2: Kevin’s Story: ‘Seeing Is Believing … and Trusting!’Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 3 Kind-PointsNotes

4 Think Kindly: Kind Leaders Assume Positive Intent
Discussion: Kind Leadership Takes PracticeThinking Kindly Is the First of Three Key Kind Leader PracticesThink Kindly Behavior 1: Always Assume Positive IntentThink Kindly Behavior 2: Check Your Thoughts FrequentlyThink Kindly Behavior 3: Consciously Change Unkind Thoughts to Kind OnesKind Leaders Have Best Interests at Heart!Thinking Kindly Focuses Leaders on OthersKind Leaders Think Kindly about Themselves as WellPractice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: Always Assume Positive Intent: Recognizing Negative First ImpressionBonus ExerciseExercise 2: Check Your Thoughts Frequently: Making Unkind Thoughts ConsciousBonus ExerciseExercise 3: Change Unkind Thoughts to Kind OnesBonus ExerciseReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosPracticing Thinking Kindly Takes PracticeScenario 1: Kay’La’s Story: If at First You Don’t Think Kindly …Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyScenario 2: Kevin’s Story: ‘Think, Think Again …’Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 4 Kind-PointsNotes
5 Speak Kindly: Use Words of Encouragement and Growth
Discussion – Words Matter: Choose and Use Yours KindlySpeaking Kindly Is the Second of The Three Key Kind Leader PracticesSpeak Kindly Behavior 1: Choose Your Words KindlyLeaders’ Words Travel Far, Fast and Carry a Lot of WeightWhat Kind of Words Are Kind?Speak Kindly Behavior 2: Use a Kind Tone of VoiceSpeak Kindly Behavior 3: If It’s Not Kind, Don’t Say It!Kind Leaders Practice the Basics: Say Please, Thank You and I’m SorrySpeaking Kindly Ties Thoughts to ActionsPractice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: Becoming Conscious of Your WordsExercise 2: Deliberately Replacing Unkind Words with Kind OnesExercise 3: Is Your Body Language Kind or Not?Exercise 4: Deliberately Replacing Unkind Words with Kind OnesReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosPractice Speaking Kindly Because Your Words Create Your Followers’ WorldScenario 1 – Kay’La’s Story: If You Use ‘Fighting Words’ Don’t Be Surprised If You Get a Fight!Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyScenario 2 – Kevin’s Story: ‘I Don’t Want to Believe My Ears …’Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 5 Kind-PointsNotes
6 Act Kindly: Kind Leaders Put Humanity First
Discussion: Kind Leaders Lead by Kind ExampleActing Kindly Is the Third of The Three Key Kind Leader PracticesAct Kindly Behavior 1: Check in with People, Not on ThemGet to Know Your People as PeopleKind Leaders Spend Their Time Checking in with PeopleChecking in with People Creates a Culture of TrustAct Kindly Behavior 2 – Listen: With Open Eyes, Open Ears, Open Mind and an Open HeartListen with Open EyesListen with Open EarsKeep Your Ears Pricked for Signals of Culture of Fear and UnkindnessListen with an Open MindListen with an Open HeartAct Kindly Behavior 3: Recognize OthersRecognize the Means Instead of the EndsRecognize People for Who They Are as PeopleLeading by Kind Example Creates a World of KindnessOne Last Thought…Practice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: How Well Do You Know Your People as People?Exercise 2: How Are You Spending Your Precious Time?Exercise 3: Listening with Open Eyes and Open EarsExercise 4: Listening with Open Mind and an Open HeartExercise 5: Recognizing Your People Means Saying Thank You for Their EffortReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosLeading by Kind Example Leads to Leading by Kind ExampleScenario – Kay’La and Kevin’s Stories: There’s Always a Way to Lead by Kind Example…Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 6 Kind-PointsNotes
7 Collaboration, Cooperation and Kindness, Not Competition
Discussion – Beyond Win–Win: A World of KindnessThe Kind Leadership ContinuumCompetition: Win–Lose InteractionsTwo-sides – Division – Divisiveness – Fear – DistrustHere’s What to Look forHere’s What to DoCollaboration: Interactions based on ‘Buy-in’Buy-in – Opt-Out – Two Sides – Compromise – SeparateHere’s What to Look forHere’s What to DoCooperation: Interactions Based on ‘Win–Win’Kindness: Interacting beyond ‘Win–Win’Practice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: How Competitive Is Your Organization? How Competitive Are You?Exercise 2: Collaboration? Cooperation? Do You Recognize Both?Exercise 3: Creating a World of Kind InteractionsReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosCompetition and Fear Don’t go with KindnessScenario – Kay’La and Kevin’s Stories: Together, as One, with Kindness, We Can Break the Vicious Cycle of Fear and CompetitionNow It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 7 Kind-PointsNotes
8 When Things Don’t Go Kindly
Discussion: Kind Leadership Is the AnswerThe Top Three Reasons Unkindness HappensThe Five Steps Kind Leaders Take When Things Don’t Go KindlyTrue Stories of Unkindness and What Kind Leaders Did about ItStory #1: Think KindlyStory 2: Speak KindlyStory 3: Act KindlyThere’s No Such Thing as ‘Cruel To Be Kind’ … If It’s Not Kind, Don’t Do ItFailures of Leadership and Failures of Kindness Have Terrible Consequences for Us AllPractice: Practical Exercises to Use to Turn Your Thoughts into ActionExercise 1: How Do You Respond To Unkindness Currently?Exercise 2: How Could You Have Used the Five Steps to Respond Differently?Exercise 3: Deliberately Practicing the Five StepsReflection: What Would You Do? Kind Leader Practice ScenariosKind Leadership Is the Answer to Creating a Culture of TrustScenario 1 – Kay’La’s Story: It’s Not the End, It’s Just the Beginning!Scenario 2 – Kevin’s Story: Everything Is Kind in the End. If It Isn’t Kind, It’s Not the End!Now It’s Your Turn to Reflect and ApplyChapter 8 Kind-PointsNotes
Conclusion
The Time for Kind Leadership Is NowNotes
Glossary
The Three Key Kind Leadership Practices and Their Behaviors1. Think Kindly2. Speak Kindly3. Act KindlyThe Kind Leadership ContinuumThe Five Key Steps Kind Leaders Take When Things Don’t Go KindlyNotes
Some Additional Resources to Help Deepen Your Practice
Index

Content preview from The Kind Leader

Chapter 5 Speak Kindly

Use Words of Encouragement and Growth

If speaking kindly to plants makes them grow, imagine what speaking kindly to people can do!

Unknown

Discussion – Words Matter: Choose and Use Yours Kindly

I’d like you to take a moment, put on your Follower Hat and think back to a time a leader has spoken kindly to you. Maybe they complimented your work or praised your effort or thanked you for your commitment to the organization and its customers. How did you feel? I’m going to imagine happy and proud! I bet that you walked out of the meeting with a spring in your step, your head held high and a song in your heart. Your good mood probably lasted throughout the rest of the day and probably even rubbed off on others at work and ...

Become an O’Reilly member and get unlimited access to this title plus top books and audiobooks from O’Reilly and nearly 200 top publishers, thousands of courses curated by job role, 150+ live events each month,
and much more.

Read now

Unlock full access

More than 5,000 organizations count on O’Reilly

O’Reilly covers everything we've got, with content to help us build a world-class technology community, upgrade the capabilities and competencies of our teams, and improve overall team performance as well as their engagement.

Julian F.

Head of Cybersecurity

I wanted to learn C and C++, but it didn't click for me until I picked up an O'Reilly book. When I went on the O’Reilly platform, I was astonished to find all the books there, plus live events and sandboxes so you could play around with the technology.

Addison B.

Field Engineer

I’ve been on the O’Reilly platform for more than eight years. I use a couple of learning platforms, but I'm on O'Reilly more than anybody else. When you're there, you start learning. I'm never disappointed.

Amir M.

Data Platform Tech Lead

I'm always learning. So when I got on to O'Reilly, I was like a kid in a candy store. There are playlists. There are answers. There's on-demand training. It's worth its weight in gold, in terms of what it allows me to do.

Mark W.

Embedded Software Engineer

Publisher Resources

ISBN: 9781000434651

Cloud Computing

Data Engineering

Data Science

AI & ML

Programming Languages

Software Architecture

IT/Ops

Security

Design

Business

Soft Skills

The Kind Leader

by Karyn Ross

Chapter 5

Speak Kindly

Use Words of Encouragement and Growth

Discussion – Words Matter: Choose and Use Yours Kindly

Become an O’Reilly member and get unlimited access to this title plus top books and audiobooks from O’Reilly and nearly 200 top publishers, thousands of courses curated by job role, 150+ live events each month,
and much more.