It’s all about you
By the end of this chapter you will have a very good understand-
ing of how to create a powerfully confident state before entering
any room or meeting any person.
You might be thinking, ‘This is a strange place to start help-
ing me to talk to anyone in every situation. Can’t we just get
on with the things I need to do?’ Well, we could have done
that but here’s the thing. Your ability to implement the strate-
gies and techniques that we are going to give you will be hugely
enhanced when you are able to do that in a state of confidence.
Doing anything confidently is likely to significantly increase
your chances of success.
But where does confidence come from; what helps us to be
confident and what gets in the way?
Given the extraordinarily powerful influence of our beliefs on
our thinking, our state and our behaviour, it makes sense to
start our journey of exploration here.
Know how you think – harness the power
If you want to become a really confident communicator you
need to have an understanding of what goes on in your head –
and what goes on in other people’s heads: how you and other
people process information and organise their thoughts to
create their unique internal world, and hence their unique view
of the external world.
Why is it important to understand it? Because once you
understand how you create your own thoughts and internal
HOW YOU CAN TALK TO ANYONE IN EVERY SITUATION
experiences, it means that you have the choice to change them
if you want to.
So many people we work with believe they have no choice.
Similarly to Catherine in Chapter 1, they tell us that, ‘It’s just
the way I am. I’ve never been any good at socialising/talking to
people in senior positions/getting my point across/being asser-
tive/enjoying parties/talking in a group.’ And they believe that
that’s the way it’s always going to be.
Well, if that strikes a chord with you, we have great news for
you. You can change and you can change easily, if you want
to. But in order to change, you first need to understand how
you are creating the thoughts and feelings that you have at
the moment. And that’s the purpose of this part of the book.
When you understand this process you will know:
how you make sense of all the information around you
how you filter the information around you
how you create your thoughts
how your thoughts interact with your physiology to create
how your emotions affect your behaviour
how most of this process happens unconsciously.
Our senses are bombarded with information. In every moment,
millions upon millions of pieces in the form of sights, sounds,
touch, taste and smell surround us. However, we can only pay
attention, consciously, to approximately seven pieces of infor-
mation at once, give or take two. That is, we can pay attention
to five pieces on a bad day and nine on a good day. Do you
remember playing the memory game as a child? Up to twenty
random items were put on a tray and you had a few minutes to
memorise them. It was rare that anyone remembered more than
eight or nine items.
Try it for yourself. How about attempting to name all the alco-
holic drinks you can think of. Just think about that yourself for a