The HBR Work Smart Collection (4 Books)

10 Your Job and Your Identity Are Two Different Things

by Tim O’Brien

Jake is three and he is tired. He wants to be picked up and held. “It’s OK, sweetie,” his mom, Kate, sings as she reaches down to pick him up. Midway through the lift Jake writhes, throws his head back, and knees her in the stomach. Kate knows she should not take this breakdown personally. Most days she knows that mom gets kicked sometimes; it is part of the job.

But when Kate takes a kick at work—when her report is criticized in a meeting, for example—she does take it personally. It is harder for her to remember the difference between “Kate” and the role she fills as a “senior analyst.” And when you take professional kicks personally, you compromise your ability to ...