Brand Against the Machine: How to Build Your Brand, Cut Through the Marketing Noise, and Stand Out from the Competition

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How to Ensure Your Brand Fails

IT OCCURRED TO ME that I've done a lot of talking so far about how to make your brand awesome. Then it occurred to me that I'm leaving out all of you underachievers out there who don't like to be bothered with results. How do you know what to do? Well, you're in luck because here's your 10-step guide to making sure your brand is anything but successful.

Disclosure: These steps do not need to be completed in any particular order. Just doing a few of these will ensure your brand fails. Enjoy!

Step 1: Let fear keep you from taking action and trying new things. Doing something new is scary. Fear is your friend.

Step 2: Never ask anyone for help. They're likely wrong anyway, and you don't need them because you are always right.

Step 3: Think of every reason something will not work rather than every reason why it will.

Step 4: Constantly worry about what other people think. Constantly. Seriously, there is nothing more important than the opinions of others, especially those who you do not know.

Step 5: Only hang around negative people who like to complain. These are the people keeping it real.

Step 6: Understand you have to be lucky to succeed. Hard work is for employees, not entrepreneurs. You became your own boss so you wouldn't have to work.

Step 7: The very second you are faced with a challenge, quit.

Step 8: Let self-doubt rule your mind. Confidence is completely overrated anyway.

Step 9: Do everything in your power to fit in and be normal. Industry ...