Managing to Make a Difference

Chapter 8Don't Make Relationship Conflicts Worse

Relationship problems exist in every organization. Cultivating positive relationships with your people does not happen in a vacuum, and it does not make conflict go away completely (but it can reduce conflict because it proactively addresses some of its root causes). Research suggests that 64 percent of people wish they could talk about problems with colleagues “often” or “all the time” in one-on-one conversations with their managers. Fortunately, only about 8 percent actually do).¹ Don't get sucked into this. It perpetuates negativity and undermines positive relationships.

Quit Mediating Relationships

When I first became an HR director, I invested a huge amount of time mediating and refereeing relationships, and my fellow managers joined me. Employees would come into my office—every day—to complain about being treated poorly in any number of ways. These types of complaints did not amount to collective bargaining issues or involve violations of any laws or regulations. They were more like, “Marcia's talking behind my back. My supervisor won't tell her to stop!”

In that organization, it was expected that I would meet with the parties to make judgments about who was at fault (often they both were) and what each should do differently to improve the relationship going forward. Including supervisors, we would often have three or four people in these meetings. And this was considered a completely appropriate way to spend our time. ...