The Elements of Negotiation

ELEMENT 66Personal Chemistry

Many years ago, I was traveling through Europe to learn about different countries and their cultures. I was very young and completely inexperienced as a negotiator.

I entered a carpet shop in Istanbul, asking to be shown a particular carpet. First thing, the shop owner asks me to sit down and offers me a drink. He doesn't get out the carpet, praising all its qualities. I accept the drink. He is about to have tea himself. It's time for his tea break, and his assistant prepares the tea on a primus stove placed on a tray in front of us.

I'm interested in the small ceremony taking place, and the shop owner explains to me how and why his assistant follows a particular ritual. In this way, he establishes a good rapport with me and gains my trust.

After a while, the conversation turns to other matters. While we are having tea, he obtains information about me. Some of the questions he asks are:

• How long have you been in Istanbul?
• When will you be leaving?
• Where have you come from, and where are you going?
• What hotel are you staying at?
• Have you been to the bazaar before?

I tell him that I've been in Istanbul for four days, that I'm staying at the Hilton, that I've come from Bulgaria and shall be going on to Romania on the following day. I've not been to the bazaar before, but have spent my time visiting other tourist attractions in Istanbul.

He warns me against pickpockets, and I check that my money is still in my pocket. The owner knows that he has before ...