Lifescripts, 3rd Edition

90Asking a Coworker to Stop Backstabbing

STRATEGY

The secret to stopping a backstabbing peer is to show that the attacker, far from being constructive, is being unfair and personal. If the actions have been covert, deliver your message indirectly—that way the attacker can't simply deny involvement and end the conversation. If the attack was overt, or if the indirect approach doesn't work, deal directly. Ideally, you should conduct the discussion privately, which increases the chance of an honest exchange. But if that doesn't work, or if the attack is so damaging you must respond immediately, do it publicly. If all else fails, stress your willingness to take the dispute to a higher authority.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Don't feel defensive or uneasy. You are an aggrieved party looking for justice. You're coming from a position of honesty so you've a right to feel confident.
• Preparation: Jot down some notes about past attacks. For this script they'll simply serve as reminders. If need be, they'll help you prepare a memo if this dialogue doesn't work.
• Timing: If the incident demands an immediate public response, do so. If not, approach the attacker privately as soon as possible after the latest attack.
• Behavior: Hold this meeting in the attacker's office. Don't schedule it—simply arrive. If this is an indirect approach, you can sit down. If this is a direct approach, shut the door behind you and remain standing, keeping yourself between them and the door. In effect, this puts you in ...