Lifescripts, 3rd Edition

93Asking a Coworker to Stop Gossiping

STRATEGY

When you're the subject of gossip, your natural instinct might be to lash out at the person you suspect is playing busybody and give them a piece of your mind. Don't. The goal of this script is to help you convey your displeasure with their tongue wagging—and to get them to stop—without a direct accusation. This is important, since (a) you could be accusing them falsely, (b) confrontation could disrupt your work relationship, or (c) you could cause the other person, if spiteful, to spread even more falsehoods designed to damage your reputation, both personal and professional. For this lifescript to work, you can't let on you know you're talking to Judas. Instead, approach the gossiper as if you're confiding in then about what has taken place.

TACTICS

• Attitude: Depending on what has been said, you might be furious, wounded or worried. Don't let it show. Instead, act calm. Your prevailing attitude should be one of disbelief at the gossiper's unprofessional behavior, tempered with annoyance at being the subject of office chatter.
• Preparation: Gossip spreads geometrically; while it usually springs from one source, before long lots of folks are telling the same tale. For that reason, it's crucial that you are as sure as you can be that you're dealing with the original perpetrator. Ask around. Eventually, you'll be able to deduce who the motor mouth is.
• Timing: Enticing as it might be to imagine your talk taking place in full view ...