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People Skills

Book Description

People skills, also known as interpersonal skills, are the key to success in work and life. It seems like common sense, but so many people have difficulty grasping and mastering the most effective ways to interact with others, especially in an increasingly digital world. In this book, readers get:

- How-to advice on the foundations of effective communication, including listening, empathy, clarity, conversation skills, and diplomacy.

- Examples of interactions in various work and life situations, including those that went well and those that didn't-with advice to improving outcomes.

- Tips on understanding and maximizing nonverbal communication, such as facial expressions, voice tone, posture, and gestures.

- How to courageously and assertively handle conflict and have difficult conversations, such as bad news, disagreements, apologies, and resignations.

- Tips on profiling the audience, and public speaking to large or small groups.

- Steps for being more influential and persuasive, collaborating effectively with partners, and knowing when to stay silent.

- Dealing with differences, coping with difficult people, and identifying one's own unique gifts and style.

Table of Contents

  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. Introduction
  5. Part 1: All You Need to Know About Communication Basics
    1. 1 What Happens in Great Communication?
      1. Communication: A Two-Way Street
        1. Ensuring That Your Receiver Understands and Likes You
        2. Evan’s Story
      2. The Three Questions Every Person Wants to Know About You
        1. “Do I Like You?”
        2. “Are You Smart?”
        3. “Can I Trust You?”
      3. The Payoff for Learning Great Communication Skills
    2. 2 How to Be a Great Listener
      1. The Importance of Listening
      2. Why Listen?
      3. How Do People Know You’re Listening?
        1. The Do’s of Listening
        2. The Don’ts of Listening
        3. Other Listening Strategies
      4. Learning to Be a Better Listener
        1. Developing the Power of the Pause
        2. The Art of Responding
      5. Taking Listening to the Next Level: Empathy
        1. Empathy Statements
        2. Choosing Your Words
    3. 3 Developing Great Conversation Skills
      1. Traits of a Great Conversationalist
        1. Allie’s Story
        2. Other Traits of Great Conversationalists
      2. Are You a Strong or Weak Conversationalist? Signs to Look For
        1. You May Not Be the Best Judge
        2. Practice Makes Perfect
      3. Building a Conversation Bank
      4. More Secrets for Rich and Interesting Conversations
    4. 4 Meeting and Greeting Friends and Strangers
      1. The Background Story of a First Encounter
      2. First Encounters
        1. Being Introduced
        2. Introducing Yourself
        3. The Next Steps
      3. Developing a Great Handshake
      4. Making Introductions
      5. The Opening Moments of an Encounter with Someone You Already Know
  6. Part 2: The Number-One Communication Skill: Nonverbal Communication
    1. 5 What Is Nonverbal Communication?
      1. Understanding Nonverbals
      2. Why Are Nonverbals Important?
        1. Carolyn’s Story
        2. Are You Sending Mixed Messages?
      3. Communicating with Facial Expressions
      4. Being Intentional About Smiling
        1. Develop These Three Smiles
        2. Smiles to Avoid
        3. The Genuine Smile
        4. Training Yourself to Smile
        5. Colin’s Story
      5. The Art of Looking Fascinated
      6. Other Winning Facial Expressions
      7. Be Observant of Others
    2. 6 Other Nonverbal Ways You Communicate
      1. Energy and Presence: How to Enter a Room
      2. Posture and Mien
        1. Dillon’s Story
        2. Developing Your Posture
      3. How Head Motion and Tilting Send a Message
      4. Hand Gestures That Engage, Not Distract
      5. Hidden Messages You May Be Sending
        1. Mirroring
        2. Other Nonverbal Factors
      6. Being Present
      7. Electronics vs. People
      8. Asking for a Nonverbal Assessment
    3. 7 Why Tone of Voice Matters
      1. Don’t Take That Tone!
        1. Ria and Molly’s Story
        2. Afta’s Story
        3. Inflection and Volume
      2. Enunciation vs. Pronunciation
        1. Pronouncing Words
        2. Enunciating Words
        3. Speaking to People with Hearing Loss
      3. Smiling and Conveying a Pleasant Tone
      4. Energy and Pauses
      5. Voice Habits to Avoid
      6. Bringing It All Together
  7. Part 3: Handling Routine Conflict, Difficult People, and Awkward Situations
    1. 8 Dealing with Conflict
      1. Anticipating and Preparing for Conflict
      2. Your First Response
      3. Breaking Bad News While Still Avoiding Conflict
      4. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
      5. Strategies for Conflict Resolution
        1. How to Begin Resolving a Conflict
        2. Writing Exercise
        3. Conflict Resolution Model
    2. 9 Preparing for Important Conversations
      1. Taking the Time to Prepare
        1. Assessing Your Partner’s Communication Style
        2. Considering Personality Type
        3. Setting the Tone
        4. Remembering Your Nonverbals
        5. Being Aware of Status
        6. Asking Questions
        7. Capturing the Right Tempo
        8. The Stress Factor
        9. Accomplishing Goals
        10. Even the Happiest Conversations Deserve Preparation
      2. Closing the Gaps Between You and Your Partner
      3. Setting Yourself Up for Success
    3. 10 Handling the Five Most Difficult Conversations
      1. Delivering an Effective Apology
      2. Announcing Deaths and Disasters
        1. Announcing a Death
        2. Announcing Other Unwelcome News
      3. Resigning or Leaving
        1. Ending a Relationship
        2. Resigning from a Job
      4. Offering Constructive Criticism
        1. How to Provide Feedback
        2. Being Thoughtful
      5. Asking for Money, Time, or Other Resources
    4. 11 Being Assertive vs. Being Aggressive
      1. What Assertiveness Really Means
        1. Alejandro’s Story
        2. Paying Attention to Your Style of Delivery
      2. Avoiding the Aggressive Mind-set
      3. Passive–Aggressive Behavior
      4. Timing Is Everything
      5. Setting Boundaries
        1. Using ESP
        2. Preparing for Negative Reactions
    5. 12 Coping with Conflict and Difficult People
      1. Understanding Difficult People
        1. Deirdre and Joanito’s Story
        2. Justin and David’s Story
        3. Alyssa and Candace’s Story
        4. Ellery and Jason’s Story
      2. Responding to Your Dragon
      3. Other Types of Difficult People
        1. The Zigzagger
        2. The Prickly Pear
        3. The Critic
        4. The Passive-Aggressive Atomic Submarine
        5. The Walking Encyclopedia
        6. The Emotional Wreck
        7. The Leapfrog or Joker
      4. Identifying the Difficult People in Your Life—and Yourself
  8. Part 4: Building Strong, Rewarding Relationships
    1. 13 From Acquaintance to Friend
      1. How Does a Friendship Start?
        1. Other Strategies for Meeting People
        2. Living with Expectation and Openness
      2. Don’t Fish in Empty Ponds
      3. Beginnings and “Touches”
      4. You May Not Recognize a Friend at First
        1. Lucy and CeCe’s Story
        2. Trish and Debra’s Story
        3. Bobby and Sam’s Story
      5. Overlooking the Small Stuff
      6. Looking for Complements, Not Clones
        1. Jane and Kia’s Story
        2. Don’t Focus on Differences
      7. Being the Friend You Want Others to Be to You
    2. 14 Building and Maintaining Special Friendships
      1. How to Build Friendships That Bring You Joy
        1. Building a Friendship
        2. Money, Time, and People
      2. Friendship Fizzlers
        1. Linda and Eve’s Story
        2. Jesse and Darius’s Story
        3. How to Keep a Friendship from Fizzling
      3. Friendship Maintenance Can Be Fun
        1. Girls’ Nights Out
        2. Grooming Dates
        3. Conferences
        4. Texting
        5. Communication Audits
    3. 15 Being Influential and Persuasive
      1. Basic Human Motivators
        1. Physiological
        2. Safety
        3. Love and Belonging
        4. Esteem
        5. Self-Actualization
      2. The Tactics of Persuasion
      3. Persuasive Conversation Model
      4. Asking for Exactly What You Want
    4. 16 Giving Clear Information
      1. How to Be Clear
        1. Assess What Your Reader Knows and Tailor Your Message
        2. Break Your Message into Small, Manageable Parts
        3. Preview Your Message
        4. Deliver Your Information Concisely Using Familiar Words
        5. Tell Your Story Two Ways
        6. Summarize Your Key Points
        7. Follow Up
      2. Organizing Your Information
        1. How to Prepare
        2. How to Start
        3. Telling a Great Story
        4. How to Conclude Memorably
    5. 17 Collaborating with Partners
      1. The “You” Attitude
      2. Your Goal Is My Goal
      3. Building Consensus
      4. What Is Your Role as a Partner?
      5. Everyone Doing a Fair Share
      6. Communicating Sooner Rather Than Later
      7. Evidence That Partnerships Work
    6. 18 When to Stay Silent
      1. Key Times to Stay Silent
        1. Ed and William’s Story
        2. Conversational Space
        3. Silent Pressure
      2. Silence When Negotiating
      3. Silence When You Don’t Return a Call or Email
      4. Staying Silent on Sensitive Subjects
      5. The Art of Intentional Silence
      6. The Ineffective Use of Silence
  9. Part 5: Dealing with Differences in Communication
    1. 19 Embracing Differences in Culture
      1. Differences That Cause Communication Breakdowns
      2. How to Approach Cross-Cultural Communication
      3. What’s in It for You?
      4. Expanding Your Personal Borders
    2. 20 Identifying and Adapting Your Unique Gifts and Style
      1. Identifying Your Style
      2. The Sensor
        1. People Skills Sensors Need to Develop
        2. The Value of Sensors
      3. The Intuitor
        1. People Skills Intuitors Need to Develop
        2. The Value of Intuitors
      4. The Analytical
        1. People Skills Analyticals Need to Develop
        2. The Value of Analyticals
      5. The Emotive
        1. People Skills Emotives Need to Develop
        2. The Value of Emotives
      6. People Skills 101: Adapting Your Style to Other Styles
        1. Sensors
        2. Intuitors
        3. Analyticals
        4. Emotives
      7. Emotional Intelligence
      8. Introverts and Extroverts
        1. Tips for Dealing with Introverts
        2. Tips for Dealing with Extroverts
      9. You May Have Other Gifts
    3. 21 Adapting to Generational Differences in Communication
      1. Adapting to Six Different Generations
        1. Omar’s Story
        2. Guidelines for Building Cross-Generational Relationships
      2. How You Can Find Value in Each Generation
        1. Mirela’s Story
        2. What Do You Have to Gain?
  10. Part 6: Speaking to Groups
    1. 22 Speaking to a Team or Small Group
      1. What Is Your Role?
      2. Dealing with Nerves
      3. How to Start: First Impressions
      4. Strategies to Engage Your Team or Small Group
      5. Delivering Your Main Points
      6. The Big Finish
        1. Bridgett’s Story
        2. Effective Closers
      7. Impromptu Speaking
    2. 23 Speaking Formally to a Large Group
      1. The Approach: Body Language
      2. Using Eye Contact to Engage the Audience
      3. Making Your Voice Appealing to the Audience
        1. Avoiding Certain Mannerisms
        2. Jeremy’s Story
      4. Doing Your Homework
      5. Making Your Opening Line a “Grabber”
      6. Delivering the Main Body of Your Speech
      7. Finishing Well
  11. Appendiexes
    1. A Glossary
    2. B Four-Week Plan for Improving Your People Skills
    3. C Resources
  12. Index
  13. About the Author