The Rules of Love, 3rd Edition

RULE 40

Don’t try to be their parent

You should be a lot of things to your partner: friend, lover, companion, confidant(e), ally, comforter. One thing you shouldn’t be is their parent. They’re grown up and they don’t need one of those any more, at least not beyond any they’ve got already.

Your partner is an independent and mature person who can run their own life. They choose to spend it with you, for which I hope you are properly grateful. They don’t need anyone else to tell them how to run it. So don’t let me catch you telling your partner, ‘Take those muddy shoes off before you come in here’, or ‘You haven’t eaten much. Go on – at least finish your vegetables’, or ‘You know, you don’t take enough exercise. You should join the gym’.

These ...