The Rules of Love, 3rd Edition

RULE 5

Don’t keep raking it over

I know a woman whose husband left her with the children about 20 years ago, and went off with another woman. She still hasn’t forgiven him, she’s still bitter, and it’s still eating her up.

And who is all this rancour and bitterness hurting? Well, not him, that’s for sure. He has almost no contact with her – only when necessary for the children, who are now grown up – and he is very happy with his second wife. No, the main person she’s hurting is herself. She’s miserable and, of course, single because she hasn’t let go of her marriage from all those years ago so she can’t move on and find a happier relationship.

She’s also hurting the children, of course. Many couples go through two or three tricky years after ...