Brilliant Stress Management

122 brilliant stress management

will usually nd the solution rst; the one who is most exible

in their behaviour will get what they want; and the one who is

most exible in their response to change will feel that they are

in control. Flexibility is about creating choices and is what stops

determination becoming obsession. To be exible, you need to

be able to step back from a challenge, see it objectively, and

then nd a wide range of options. The process to SCOPE a

problem that you read in Chapter 5 will help you to step back,

but sometimes you need more resources. Give yourself time,

refresh yourself with a walk in the open air, consult friends or

colleagues, or pick up some random books or magazines for

stimulus.

Persistence

‘If at rst you don’t succeed, try something else.’

We saw this in Chapter 3, but the key here is to keep trying.

Once again, know the boundary between determination and

obsession, but also know that failure is rarely inevitable.

Gratitude

Prayer has been a part of human life and public ritual for as

long as recorded history. Only now are we nding out why it is

so powerful in bringing about change and a sense of wellbeing.

And it need not have anything to do with religion: if you have a

faith, you can believe what you choose about how prayer works,

and if you have none at all, you can reect on what modern

science is learning.

Maximisers and satisficers

The psychology of decision-making divides us neatly into two

groups, the maximisers and the satiscers. Which are you?

 If you are a maximiser, you usually want the best

product, solution or deal. You will examine every option

Control your mental response to stress 123

very carefully and will agonise over details. Missing

information can lead you to get stuck and not feel able to

decide.

 If you are a satiscer, then you know what you want and

will happily decide on the rst product, solution or deal

that meets your needs. ‘Good enough’ is good enough for

you.

Not surprisingly, maximisers do better in life; they achieve

more and get better stuff. But, and this is important, sat-

iscers are happier. They feel better because they do not

constantly worry that they didn’t get the best; they are

simply grateful for what they got, and move on. Maximisers,

however, spend a lot of time regretting decisions that did

not turn out to be optimal, and wanting ever more than they

already have. This leads to a lot of wasted time and a lot of

self-recrimination.

So, be grateful for what you have and avoid making compari-

sons with what other people have. You didn’t need a bigger TV

when you bought that one, so why do you need it now, just

because Chris and Stevie bought one that’s 15 cm bigger? Too

much choice can stie decision-making, so only consider a small

number of options and don’t expand your range, unless none of

them meets your essential criteria.

Past positive

Some people focus on the here and now, and can lose themselves

in the moment. Others focus on the future and what they can

do tomorrow, so losing the joy of today. But the people who

have the greatest sense of wellbeing are those who look back on

their past with affection. They can see the mistakes and the pain,

but do not dwell on it. They are grateful for everything that has

come into their lives, learning from adversity and cherishing the

pleasures.